I realized the friendship was over when i mentioned a producer you like and you didn’t react. Years ago I made sure the mental note was there. I’d repeated the name until it tasted like metal. “There. I’ll never forget.” You had moved on. The mental note turned into a frivolous fact.
I realized too many years had gone by on both our parts. We still lived on the night of January 7th. Or was it the 8th? It was oddly warm. That’s all I remember. You offered to get me a manicure. I declined. So instead you bought me chipotle. We sat in a chilled car. Both of us too nervous to make a move. Well we kissed. But other than that, nothing happened.
We held onto that night so tightly. As though we’d have more like it. We planned trips to see each other. Those never happened. We barely even spoke. Yet we continued to chew on bitter tidbits about each other.
Now here I am. Wondering how I held onto someone, I barely knew anymore, for so long.