I thought about it. No longer sitting on my mind like a lifeless doll, it came to life. Alluring. I actually considered following it today.
I knew I didn’t have the necessary tools but my old friend would help me find them. In a city where people come to fulfill their every desire, mine could be a part of them. All I would need is a train and that’s pretty easy. They’re all around me. Or better yet, maybe something less inconvenient for others. And I’m sure I could find something that wasn’t so disfiguring.
In between thoughts, he happened to text me. A day later, he asked how I was and although my fingers did the talking, I still found myself spitting out everything on my mind. I told him. He told me, someone close on him had followed through but failed. I knew he told me on purpose. To remind me that if she could live through this life that I could too.
But I’m not her. I’m definitely me. And I’m definitely not strong enough to stop following this demon. So I allowed it to guide me into traffic, wondering if the bus would be as painful as the train might be. It wasn’t a sure thing and I needed the promise that this would be forever.
We’ve been on and off for years now. I almost let it talk me into playing its game but I couldn’t break her heart. I wouldn’t leave her wondering how her sister could have been seduced by a demon masquerading as a beautiful doll.
So pretty, black and red. Its claws gently caressing my back, creating designs I couldn’t see but felt so right. Mouth full of teeth grinning at me, a grotesque smile. Charming and sharp. Its voice was musical, calming, rocking me into a sleep. Telling me to finally become one with it.
Now here I am, alone. Struggling to place the doll back on the shelf. Not strong enough to end this tragic relationship. And too scared to follow it into the dark.