Through drunk slurs and half opened eyes, I tried to tell him that I knew I was just a convenience for him. That while she was gone, I was her placeholder. Although I didn’t like the position I was given, loneliness kept me there. He dismissed my comments, claiming I was just too drunk. So I closed my eyes until my train stop and let the conversation go.
This wasn’t the first time I’ve felt like I was only there until someone better came along.
We laid in my bed as he spoke kindly about her. His excitement hard to hide, and I couldn’t find a reason to hate his happiness. But as his words trailed off, his hands roamed my body. I told him I was tired of only being sex. Through honest words and soft pauses, his lips met mine and I knew he hadn’t listened. That I was only there until she came back.
The ability to love someone through their need for you is a strength I wish I no longer possessed.
He came and went, allowing time to pass between visits. Hitting me up when it felt as though I was slipping outside his grasp. He grew to love me quickly and sweetly. Gentle words caressed my neck as he whispered words of love in my ear. And when I tried to welcome him into my arms, he left.