Resilience

And I relied on you to show me what I deserved. Even though I woke up every morning knowing it was much more than you were willing to give. It wasn’t as though I wanted to ignore the signs that stared me in the face. Just for some reason my ability to comprehend disappeared when I thought of you. Everything was simply a test meant to make us stronger. Me stronger for you.

Then for a moment, when I realized I could no longer trust you with me, the only thing I wanted was to see you hurt as much as I did. I wanted to have you questioning whether or not you had done enough. Better yet, if you were even enough. I found myself not trusting the kind words of my friends because they saw something in me that you didn’t. And if you didn’t see it, was it really in me?

But now, the only revenge I want is happiness. With happiness, I don’t worry about how you feel. I only care about what brings me joy, what gives me reasons to wake up in the morning. Reasons to smile without a care in the world. To continue being gentle with myself and those around me. Including you.

Allowing me to be happy and free. Focusing on me.